Will I be able to sleep normally tonight?
Around 8 PM, after dinner, I always find myself thinking about this. When did I start having these thoughts? Maybe two or three years ago. Before that, I never could have imagined a world where, even without time constraints, I would feel sleepy yet be unable to sleep.
There were times when I stayed up late due to work or fun, going to bed at 2 or 3 AM. But if I had no plans the next morning, I could just surrender to my desire for sleep and rest as much as I wanted. I never had to think about sleep itself—I would simply get into bed at night, and before I knew it, morning had arrived. That was normal. Back then, I never gave it much thought, but now I realize how precious that was.
When I think about it, sleep should have been something as natural as breathing, seamlessly blending into my body and mind—something I never had to be conscious of.
But what about now? If I don’t consciously focus on sleep, it never comes. Yet, even if I do prepare perfectly and try to force it, sleep does not always turn to me with a welcoming smile. More often than not, it turns away, sullen and indifferent. Yes, sleep is something elusive, something that never goes exactly as I want it to.
Even if I manage to secure a little sleep one night, there’s no guarantee that the next night will be any better.
