Last night, the struggle to fall asleep felt like being swept away by an unrelenting wave. I went to bed at 11 p.m., thinking I had drifted off peacefully, but the next thing I knew, I was wide awake at 2:30 a.m. It felt so refreshing that it could have been morning already. However, I knew that if I got up now, by around 8 a.m., my blood flow would slow, or perhaps my lymphatic flow would stagnate, leading to my entire body creaking with pain and a constant throbbing deep in my head. Knowing what awaited me, I attempted to return to sleep. But I also knew that trying too hard would backfire, so I aimed to ease back into slumber naturally.
What should I think about to fall asleep? Or rather, what should I envision? Although I understood that emptying my mind would be the best approach, I’d tried countless times and failed, realizing that resisting my thoughts was futile. So instead, I decided to let my mind wander. Counting sheep—a common suggestion—never worked for me. While others might fall asleep before counting to 100, I found myself worn out after reaching that number and drifting off into other thoughts entirely.
Next, I attempted mindfulness. I focused on my breath, trying to immerse myself in the present moment. However, I had never successfully fallen asleep this way, not even once. Though I aimed to let go of distractions, waves of random thoughts overwhelmed me, leaving me with nothing but growing frustration.
At times, YouTube’s trivia audio streams offered some relief. By directing my attention to the audio, I could ward off unnecessary thoughts. But even this wasn’t foolproof; more often than not, my curiosity about the content kept me wide awake. On the other hand, music didn’t work at all. Since I didn’t need to focus on it, my mind would wander to unrelated matters.
Lastly, I decided to try a method shared by a popular influencer. He had suggested imagining an English word and thinking of another word starting with its first letter, then moving on to the second letter, and so forth. According to him, this exercise always made him fall asleep before reaching the last letter. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the same luck. As I searched for a new word at each letter, my mind grew overly active, keeping me more awake than ever.
In the end, I haven’t found a surefire solution for falling asleep. However, these countless attempts and experiments haven’t been entirely in vain. They’ve helped me better understand myself and my approach to sleep, even if just a little. Sleepless nights are tough, but I’ll keep trying new methods with patience and determination. After all, that’s the only way forward for me now.
